Ringing in the New Year can look differently for everyone. So much of the conversation that surrounds this season is focused on what we can change about ourselves, starting new habits, losing that ten pounds you never shed, perfecting a new skill, etc. But, for parents of children with special needs, resolutions, especially those that deal with daily tasks, no matter how simple, may vary greatly than other parents they know. It’s not because healthy habits and new goals are not important, it’s just that autism has its own set of challenges that can often overshadow even the simplest of tasks. BrightPathBehavior is an ABA therapy organization that focuses on kids and approaches them with compassion as they place play at the forefront of their treatment practices. Their website features information about their centers, of course, but it also has parent resources, which includes a blog. On their blog, they posted an article last year around this time, titled “5 New Year’s Resolutions for Parents of Children with Autism” in which the author encourages the parent reading the article to reflect on the previous year as well as ahead to the new year with hope rather than regret or fear; compassion for themselves and realistic expectations for themselves and their children. No one is going to argue just how busy parents are, especially those whose children have needs that require a little more attention as well as extra therapies or activities on the schedule. However, the author of this article highly encourages that you take a couple of minutes, as they did, to reflect on the last year using these three prompting questions: What achievements can you celebrate? What were your biggest challenges and low points? What do you want to carry forward into the New Year? First, identify the wins of the past year, no matter how small they may seem. Both you and your child experienced some form of growth and progression this past year, don’t forget to celebrate that because you are consumed with the day-to-day hurdles. Next, acknowledge your difficulties, not as failures, but as areas that need extra love and care this coming year. This could be your ability to squeeze in self-care or your child refusing not to wear spiderman jammies to school everyday. These are the areas in which you may want to focus your “goal-setting” even if that means trying one or two new things and still leaving room for progress later. Lastly, the new year is not entirely focused on changing and letting go, it can also be about hanging onto what worked for us this past year. What brought you comfort or joy? This could be as simple as the flavor coffee creamer you use in your daily cup or the workout routine that made you feel strong or the chore chart that kept your child content in your home no matter what it is, hang on to those things tightly. Make a list if that helps jog your memory, so that you can have a record of the triumphs, setbacks and non-negotiables as you plan for the coming year. After reflecting, you will likely feel inclined to create some type of “resolutions.” The author of this article chose to offer five possible resolutions that are going to empower rather than scare or weigh down parents of children with autism. These resolutions are “designed to foster a nurturing and growth-oriented approach for both you and your child without being too overly ambitious.” The first resolution for the upcoming year is to seek and accept help. This help could come from community resources, family, friends, teachers, and/or other professionals; the point is just to get in the habit of saying “yes” more often when the opportunities arise. Next, make an effort this coming year to reconnect with your passions and loved ones. Parenting, in general can require a lot of energy and often, it may make you feel as if you have to put everything you want or need aside in order to care for the needs of your child. If rekindling with old friends doesn’t feel comfortable to you because of the newness and all-consuming nature of your role as a parent, then you may want to reach out to other parents in a similar situation via community groups, church organizations, support groups, parenting classes, or shared hobbies. Remember that your needs are important too and finding an appropriate and healthy balance is necessary for your well-being as well as that of your child. Along with that, try to choose a sustainable self-care or self-compassion focus. Most of us read something like “take the time for self-care” and immediately roll our eyes because frankly, that phrase has become a little triggering in our world today. The important thing here is to recognize the difference between self-care and self-compassion and arrange for both in your life. “Self-care can often be and indulgent and temporary escape, while self-compassion is a lasting, ongoing investment.” A self-compassion activity can replenish your energy and fill your cup, which ensures that you are able to handle the other challenges in life as your best self. This is not a time investment that you will regret or that should make you feel guilty as it might be the very thing that keeps you feeling sane and balanced this coming year. Looking ahead for your child, one resolution worth trying is evaluating your child’s therapy and school setting as they may be on autopilot and you want to ensure they are truly the best overall option for your child at this time. The author of the article encourages you to make a list, like a parent report as she calls it, detailing your child’s unique interests and strengths as well as goals for them for this year. However, if that feels too overwhelming for either you or your child, focus on just one significant challenge that you want to address; big or small. The point here is to focus on something that is going to greatly impact or improve your child’s life as well as your own. Lastly, try to embrace acceptance by acknowledging your child and your circumstances. If we are being honest, parenting a child with autism can be extremely challenging; it is not something that most people would consciously choose. However, it is possible to shift your outlook despite the trials and frustrations that arise regularly and make your job and life more difficult. Your child is a wonderfully unique individual, as I am sure that you know, embrace that rather than continuously apologizing for something that is out of your control. “Embracing a mindset of surrender and acceptance could be the most liberating approach to usher in the new year.” WIth all of that being said, I personally want to remind you to be kind to yourself as we make our plans for this coming year. It can be overwhelming to sift through all of the opinions, advice, resolutions and goals that others make as well as tell you to join them in; give yourself (and your child) some grace.
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