Professor Tony Attwood and Dr. Michelle Garnett started the organization Attwood & Garnett Events in order to create a space for autistic parents and/or adult autistic individuals as well as expand awareness, understanding and acceptance. Their website features courses, resources and a blog that serve as tools for their broad community. One post on their blog is particularly helpful as we are just a few days away from Christmas and even though we may have made it through some of the most stressful and taxing parts of the season, the big day can still induce some anxiety and fears over what might happen with all the visiting, noise, activity and new foods, etc. Their article, "How to Survive Christmas - A Guide for Autistic Adults and Parents of Autistic Children" provides nine points, or tips, to check off in order to make the day go a little more smoothly. But before jumping into those, it is important to examine why Christmas, the day as well as the season, can be especially challenging for those with autism. Because of the different neurology of autism that alters how a person relates, thinks, perceives, senses, learns, moves and empathizes...things like socializing, for example can be difficult for those with autism as they have a smaller capacity for it. Sensory input is the other challenging component to this holiday as it is affected by lights, sounds, smells and tactile sensations. Not only can this cause distress in the moment, but the anticipation of all of these sensory exposures can cause anxiety, which can be exhausting. So, the first thing you can do to survive the big day and hopefully avoid as much of the negative experiences as you can is to know your socializing capacity, or in some cases, your child's. Socialization capacity can often change from day to day depending on the amount of people you are around, the activities taking place, sleep, and a whole slew of other factors, so create a plan according to each thing that you, or your family, are asked to attend. If you feel as if you need one, create an exit strategy and make sure you are prepared to use it if you feel you, or your child may be reaching their limit. Next, understand and accommodate your sensory system. If there is a situation in which you recognize yourself, or your child, getting overwhelmed, frustrated, distressed or uncomfortable, notice the sensory aspects of the situation and mentally jot them down as sensitivities and stay alert for them in future scenarios. You can even assemble a sensory kit with a variety of tools to help you mitigate the disconcerting feelings of overstimulation. This kit can be your permanent companion to all social events or outings and there is no time like the present to try and see if it works. On that note, it is also crucial that you plan and prioritize meaning that you don't have to every single thing that you are invited to this Christmas, you don't even have to leave your house if you really don't feel up to it. Make a list, physical or mental of the people, activities and/or traditions that are really important to you and make time for those only, the others can wait until you have rejuvenated from the holiday festivities. In between all of the things that made it on your list of importance, make sure that you also keep routines to maintain consistency. Most people can agree that routines are what help us all thrive, but autistic people, in particular, need routines to feel safe and secure. There is a lot about the Christmas season that can be off putting in terms of things being off schedule or looking differently than usual, try to keep the things that you can the same and minimizing the changes to only a couple at once. For example, if you have an event on one day during the week, maintain your schedule for the remainder of the week in order to mitigate any extra stress from things being off kilter. It is also extremely important that you be well during this season, especially since this is the time of year where sickness tends to rule our lives and on top of that, we are seeing more people than usual. Nourish your body, sleep as much as you feel your body needs, hydrate and take time to relax during the days off; use this time as a reset as much as you do a time to celebrate and visit (it can be both). While we are discussing nourishment and rest, it is also imperative that you schedule activities that will replenish your energy. While you are filling everyone else's cup this season doing all the things that may feel "required" during this time of year, separate with enough time to fill your own cup as well. The article from Attwood & Garnett includes a really intuitive strategy to help you measure your activities and rate the ones that are going to drain too much of your energy or those that seem more manageable so that you can adjust the time spent refueling in between. There is also a course on their website that may help you understand this tactic better, which is beneficial in that becoming too drained emotionally and/or mentally and physically can lead to depression. The next tip may seem like common sense, but it is something that we do often forget to do, communicate. The original article demonstrates a strategy/script that will help you as a parent or an autistic individual communicate effectively. A three part structure includes: validate, communicate how you feel and ask for what you need; this can be done either in person or electronically. Once you have developed a script for yourself, then you can determine your mode of communication before rehearsing it enough times to let it become comfortable to you or your child. Another thing you are going to want to do this year is utilize strategies to deal with guilt, which will likely come from setting the appropriate boundaries for you or your child during this season. While it may take some time for others, especially family members, to come to terms with your boundaries, they will eventually come around with time, especially if you are firm and confident of the decisions you have made for this year. Remember why you made these decisions and the reasons as to why such strategies are necessary for your, or your child's overall well-being; some things are just more important in the long run. Lastly, practice self-compassion by talking to yourself in a positive inner voice or taking little moments of time throughout the day for yourself to re-focus and regain control of your center. If you can do all or even just a couple of the things listed in this article, your Christmas season is sure to be one that feels better than the ones in years past and hopefully, with some practice, by next year you will be an absolute pro and resolve any stressors that make this season less cheery. The ultimate goal is to celebrate the things and the people that we have been gifted in our lives and to spend time with one another in a way that is only meant to fuel our soul and makes us feel happy and full of joy; try not to miss that this year in the midst of all the other chaotic moments.
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